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Thursday

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Started watched Desperate Housewives Season Four (2008) last night. I was able to concentrate on it well and I enjoyed it. When I first watched the programme my favourite character had to be Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher), better known to me as Superman’s girlfriend! I was always half expecting some supernatural magic to occur simply because she was onscreen. I wasn’t disappointed that it didn’t because by then I was into the programme for itself.

Emily called at 11.30am waking me up. She wanted me to rush over, and I said I would come over but not rush. Took my joke book, watercolours and colouring in book. At the table in the garden we noticed a mysterious object.

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I said ‘ped’ means foot but Emily said she already knew it was for feet from the picture on it. We wondered for a while. Emily wanted to borrow it thinking it was for massage and I thought it was a pomice stone. She reached across the table, grabbed it and opened it up. Inside was a grater and skin flakes. In horror she clumsily shut it and pushed it far away. After we had recovered I said ‘Do you want a foot cheese and pickle sandwich?’. She slapped me on the leg and said that she would never be able to eat cheese and pickle sandwiches again. We finished our rollies and went indoors.

I did some watercolour colouring in, and we chatted and listened to music on the TV. We had a couple of Rustlers BBQ rib subs which were nice. Emily said she wanted to have a bath whilst everyone was still out, and asked me to go. She doesn’t like coming out of the bath when there are people in the house. Over my visits to Emily I’ve done quite a few pages of the colouring in book Mum gave me. Some I did at home, but mostly at Emily’s. Here they are –

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Today I mixed up more subtle colours and made watercolour peach. I had fun, and Emily liked watching me paint.

I told Emily about my dream. Lots of piglets packed into individual metal boxes. Then it turned out the boxes were metallic card. I kept a piglet. There was a competition which my piglet was good at, and the organisers were trying stop him entering. I wouldn’t let them, and kept my piglet safe from them. She said it sounded more like a nightmare. But it wasn’t. Just a weird dream. Heavily based on Babe but it was more like an average farm, not picturesque.

Back at home I knocked on Alex’s door but he wasn’t in. Did some painting. Walked to the shop to get some beer. There was a beautiful sky and the wet road was smudged with the colours from the lights. The checkout girl suspected the last customer of shoplifting something. Got some reduced doughnuts remembering how nice it was when Ben knocked on my door to offer me a doughnut.

Had sausages and mash for dinner, then looked forlornly in the fridge for a minute. Someone has eaten my other little strawberry cheesecake.

The sky sort of looked like this –

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And the road closely resembled this –

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Here’s the painting I did today –

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Phillip was on the phone for an hour this evening. Halfway through decided to doodle as we chatted. He mostly talked about the cleaning and other peoples commutes. Here are my stars –

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Sunday

Watched Underworld in Bristol in 2016 last night. Really enjoyed the gig. As it began I opened my Twiglets and the first one was joined together. Never seen a Twiglet like it before in my life. Here it is –

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At 11pm my brother called on Facebook. I got to talk to his son Adam who was having his breakfast. He was able to have a little chat, which was lovely. Last time I saw him he was a baby. I had just heard of what he is like to talk to from my parents.

So weird to talk in real time with my brother when it’s night time here and it’s day there. He showed me round the house. They are all looking forward to Granny and Grandad’s arrival which will be really soon. Adam is a fan of fans so I showed him the electric fan in my room and he loved it.

Today I had a cheese sandwich for breakfast. Listened to Bjorks Post album whilst getting ready for my day. The Possibly Maybe song scared me when I was on drugs and I suddenly thought maybe I shouldn’t be listening to it. But it was fine, interesting to hear it again in my new frame of mind. I find it eerie but not frightening as I thought I might. My favourite song on the album is Isabel, same as before.

Then I did what I always seem to write I do, walked to the shop listening to Lion Boy and taking photos. Got a couple of currys, some Lambrini (an Emily drink), a chocolate sundae (Phillip has pudding everyday so I should have a pudding sometimes) and some other bits and bobs.

Waited for a father to finish scouring the reduced food and found 30p sushi, and a chicken wrap. Thought about popping into the pub on the way back and having a fruit tea like I did when my parents visited but wasn’t really feeling it. I used to go to the pub on my own and read my book, but I don’t think it will be the same as it used to be. Generally my life is better though.

At home drew for an hour. Spent some time trying to draw a realistic pointing finger and was disappointed with it, but afterwards the pointing fingers I drew my way are passable.

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Chatted to Phillip. He has a headache. His Mum’s crafting things fell on his head whilst he was on the computer. So he was only on the phone for 15 minutes. He had a nice time at the school reunion. He always shows people my picture and tells me what they say. I think he either thinks I have low self esteem in that way OR has prepared one script of what to say to a girlfriend and hasn’t bothered changing it for me. I assume the latter.

Count Five’s Psychotic Reaction has just come on Radio 6. I love this song. So anyway quite a chilled out day as they say.

Here are the photos I took on my walk –

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I’ll watch another Underworld gig tonight. I don’t know any Underworld fans and as well as watching the gig, it’s nice seeing them on mass.

I saw a CD in my brothers room when I was a kid and liked how the bands name contained the word Ro backwards. I read the band name backwards like a message for me. I thought the CD cover was the most interesting thing in my brothers room. The writing was deliberately uneven, and I loved it. It made me feel that imperfection is a good thing and my name was contained within that imperfection.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Friday

Woke up late after staying up last night listening to music. My Mum sent me an encouraging message on Facebook chat. She wrote ‘So wonderful to see you getting stronger and healthier each time.’ and sent me something she found whilst tidying up.

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Walked to the shop listening to Lion Boy. There was a captive lion in my dream last night. A lion in the story has let the boy know how he feels living at the circus. He speaks for all the lions. I thought it was really well written. The story is written by someone who thinks circus animals suffer. He didn’t let on at first, but he was just making sure everyone was onboard. And then, this, the lions aren’t happy. I wasn’t expecting the story to turn that way. I think I chose a story that’s really good for me. Took some photos along the way.

Back at home I tried to do some drawing. Here’s what I came up with.

Chatted to Emily. She’s fine. She went into town today and they got chew bones for the family dog, Molly. Molly didn’t like them though and Emily says she’s a little fucker. The dog has made friends with her and follows her about. She loves animals and I’m glad she has a dog there.

I used to hate Hits radio, but now I listen to it when I miss hanging out with Emily. I was listening to it today. Does something weird to my brain when I listen too much, like I did when she was living here. She uses it to distract her from the voices.

Switched to Angel Radio when I spoke to Phillip. Chatted for half an hour, and he said sorry he’s not very chatty. He was, but normally he chats away for over an hour. Today it was how he would have done the Grand Designs house slightly differently, and who will be attending his Gran’s funeral. He watches Grand Designs for the houses and doesn’t like Kevin McCloud because he finds him too critical?! I watch it for Kevin McCloud and I’m not so bothered about the houses.

Here are the photos I took on the way to the shop today –

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Monday

Woke up. Contacted Ben because I said I might come over in the morning and it was too late. He overslept too so no problem. I’ll see him another day. Had ham on toast for breakfast and an apple. Then I set off for my parents. I got a bus halfway there and walked the rest of the way listening to Leonard Cohen. Got some flowers for my mum, and a bottle of red wine from the shop.

At my parents checked it was okay for Philip to come over, and it was. Two old friends of my parents were there, but didn’t get a chance to chat to them before they left. Or I didn’t try hard enough. Another friend who was to be visiting with her sick mother arrived, but without her mum because she was too poorly. She was there with her bright 3 year old. Then a couple who are neighbours of my parents arrived, and first couple left shortly afterwards. Another two friends were there for a while and left. So many comings and goings!

I chatted to my Dad and Susie. I said about blogging, making videos and drawing again. Susie wanted to see my I phone so I showed it to her. Mum mentioned when Sue Drew visited me in hospital in London and I sent her away again because I was delusional. I’ve thanked her for all her help, but haven’t yet apologised for that incident, and I’ve said I will do.

Philip arrived a bit later on. He got along really well with Mike, Susies husband. When I was 14 I used to play Go with Mike a lot. He is has Aspergers and is a 2 Dan at Go, really good. I had a steep learning curve! He was really fun to play. Said ‘I like playing Rowan. She asks good questions.’ This means I wasn’t like most players, playing predictable, following moves. I liked to throw a lone stone out there, making a vague claim to some territory. And sometimes, he would have to do a lot of mathematical thinking to work out the impact of that move. Sometimes it was a ‘good question’. I liked asking good questions. It was fun watching him work them out. You can play Go like an artist or mathematician. For me it was like a composition and like electrical energy. I was much better at sente than most players of my ability. Sente means playing first and in Go it’s a really good thing to do.

Anyway they both liked talking about houses. I’m a bit drunk on red wine. Mike’s sister, Fiona who is a psychiatrist has given my Mum a lot of her old clothes again. As Mum is going to be in Australia she didn’t want the Winter clothes. This is good news. I love Fiona’s style, and there wasn’t anything I didn’t want. I came home with a big bag of lovely clothes, including a few from my Mum as well. I’m so glad I didn’t go clothes shopping before today. I now have lots of nice things to wear. A dress with little birds on, a long, soft skirt with purple flowers, a fair few cardigans and many more. Yey!

Kerry’s little boy was well behaved and kept amused with Duplo, magnets and an old camera. I wanted to do some painting with him but I asked at a bad time, when he was eating, and I think Kerry was worried he would get paint on his top. She told a story of him arriving back from playgroup, best top covered in paint. Ah well. I’m glad my parents didn’t worry like that.

I have the dentist tomorrow. First time I’ve been in a long time, so hoping it will be okay. Here are the photos I took on the way to my parents.

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Sunday

Woke up when Emily called, but I was too sleepy to answer. Any who it got me up at a more reasonable time. Set out to the shop again and took photos on the way back.

Then I went to Emily’s. She asked me to bring A Little Princess to watch. I borrowed it from my mum and haven’t seen it yet. The Ladybird book of the story was my favourite Ladybird book. Emily said it’s a good film but when I got there she wanted to watch Girl’s Trip. So that’s what we watched. Had a can of Fanta and an apple. Emily thinks orange Fanta is disgusting. She has bad period pain at the moment and the film cheered her up.

A while back I did a horse paint by numbers for her. It looks nice on the wall of her new room, a bit like it’s looking out of a stable door.

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Before the film the family were working out how to play Cluedo. The children sang George Ezra’s Shotgun along to the radio, and considered the different weapons in Cluedo. I wondered about how my time at school might have been different if I had been into music that other people were into. I used to listen with disdain to my peers talking about music. Emily can’t read much and I think it’s quite alienating when people are playing a board game together and she knows she can’t play. It was nice to see her. I’ve promised I’ll stay over when Annie goes on holiday soon.

Back at home I did some drawing for an hour and a half, which was fun. Here are the photos I took on the way back from the shop –

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Here’s the drawing I did this evening –

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Friday

Last of the peanut butter on toast for breakfast. Mum sent me a video of a man walking about in Van Gogh’s paintings. I had seen it, or something like it before and enjoyed it anyhow. Drew for an hour in the morning, using my new Iphone for reference. Felt better for it.

Philip called, upset because his gran is at the end of her life. He is with her with his mum, and staying over there tonight. He might postpone his operation if she passes away soon. Well loved lady, whose husband used to have a sweet shop.

I needed to stretch my legs so started walking round the park whilst he was on the phone, then switched to my Lion Boy Playaway. Took photos whilst listening to it too. Went to a different shop to normal and got a few bits. Cashier struggled to communicate with me because I was still listening to the story. I’m on chapter 7 now, and I’m pleased to report I’m starting to get into it.

The story is about animals in a circus which is a weird one for me. When I was at school I got people to sign petitions to try to get it banned. An animal charity sent me upsetting post and my mum got upset that I was upset by it.

At one stage I did question performing animals in drawings, but decided I didn’t think it was bad. It helped me to separate the world of drawings to real life. Horses and dogs are okay I think, but I don’t think other animals are suited to circus life. Deciding that helped me find a sense of self.

They never did ban it in the UK, but it is banned in 19 countries. It didn’t conflict with my foxhunting beliefs at school because I just learnt that horses and dogs cope well with things other animals can’t. And I always knew they were special!

Mum thought I would separate cartoon foxes with real ones, but I didn’t do that like she did. I was always interested in the spirit of the animal. I found clarity in the circus animal debate. The two debates were divided and linked in my mind. I felt better about myself caring about circus animals. I enjoyed a dog circus in Normandy, but felt bad for their travelling goat.

Here are some of my photos from today –

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Made a video of Polly Pockets with Melody Gardot’s Iemanja. I liked seeing how automatic pan and zoom copes with photo details. And seeing all the Polly Pockets. Starting a year at infant school the first thing I wanted to see was everybody’s Polly Pockets in the playground.

Also this evening I watched the Panorama Kids In Crisis about children’s mental health. The kids are often only being seen when they have very serious problems and are then much more difficult to treat. It was interesting. I’m glad I watched it. I hope the situation improves. It’s sad when good staff don’t want to work anymore. The system doesn’t allow them to look after the kids as much as they think they need.

It made me think anyway. I’ll try to watch more documentaries, now my laptop is up and running again.

On Monday I might be visiting Ben, a housemate who moved out, with Ash, a new housemate. They got to know each other when he popped back to see how different his, now her, bedroom looked.

I didn’t think I would have anything much to blog about when I started this. I’m starting to be more aware that every day is different and will contain things I can write about. I like it.

 

 

 

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Thursday

Toast and marmalade for breakfast today. Then I went to the shop to get baccy and got some raspberries too. Took photos on the walk again.

Today I’ve been making a video for We Were Giants by Stornoway and have dared to put it up on Youtube under that name. I really don’t want my account closed, but I also want people to be able to find it. It’s only the extremely popular songs I’ve uploaded that get blocked so I risked it.

It was fun to make. I once saw them live in London before they were very well known, with my ex Jon. He used to sing their songs beautifully and told me that the singer has a PhD in zoology, specializing in birds. I once took a careers test that told me I might make a good zoologist. Here’s the video.

There was a really pink sunset this evening and I went out to try to photograph it. Philip called to tell me medical details and said he would call back later once I found the bit of sky I wanted. Those photos didn’t come out very well though.

When Photoscaping my photos I found a heart on the underside of a leaf.

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Some others from today –

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Whilst making the video a search for ‘knitwear, models, couple, photography’ found me this cool photo.

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