Woke up at 1pm. Feeling okay. I split up with Phillip a couple of days ago. He was expecting me to break up with him soon, so at least it wasn’t a complete surprise. Had a ham sandwich for breakfast. Then I went for a walk in the park listening to Lily Alone. I’m really enjoying the story. Lily is 11 years old and has to look after her three young siblings whilst her mother is on holiday. She is doing a very good job of being a mother to them, but it’s all getting too much for her. One of the little ones offered to be the mother instead for a change and she has a cuddle with her. It’s sad that children are left to fend for themselves at such a young age. I like it that the novel is realistic and also includes the children’s imaginary worlds.

Emily called and I went over there. We had a Lidl dark fruits cider and she put S Club 7 on, which I sang along to a bit. Did a bit of colouring in. Went downstairs where two of the kids were playing at ‘kicking’ each other. They had carved some pumpkins which looked cool and Luke showed me how to turn the flash off on my Iphone so I could take a photo of them.

Emily has a cold and her sprained ankle is healing now. She was fine. Luke gave us both a doughnut which was nice. The children’s mother was dressed up for Halloween with a latex wound across her neck, tit tape holding her top on, and bat like wings. She had a long flowery tattoo snaking up her leg. She was reassuring her children that mummy is still mummy and boasting that she never has to buy drinks when she is out. I don’t think that’s anything to boast about, but she had gone to a lot of effort to dress up, and maybe the free drinks were the main motivation to. Or it’s a joke that I don’t get maybe.

Had some rollies in the garden with Emily. Rolling my own for a change, so I don’t catch her cold. Molly the dog now has one of Emily’s horse blankets. Got a taxi back.

Had a ham and pineapple pizza for dinner and watched a bit of a history documentary. Had natural yoghurt and a fruit medley for pudding.

I called Phillip before I went to Emily’s. He said he is struggling but will be okay. Chatted a bit about what my parents are doing in Australia. Emily thinks I shouldn’t call him too often or he might think I want to get back together with him. Probably she’s right but we only chatted for 10 minutes today and I think it was the right thing to do, to show that I care about how he is.

Here’s a doodle from a couple of days ago –




Stayed awake last night because I had some heart palpitations. They are very short, but make me want to get up, so that I feel more normal. Emily called me at about 1pm and I was tired and said I wouldn’t be coming round. Called a support worker to say about last night but couldn’t get through. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Went for a walk in the park listening to Lily Alone. The narrator is an 11 year old girl who has to look after her much younger siblings when their mother goes away on holiday with a new man. My brother and I were also left alone in the house at a young age. I think I was about 8 when it first started happening, though just for a few hours until my parents came home from work, I think. It later became much more difficult. They were away for longer hours, and my brother treated me badly and I couldn’t make myself understood. I think my Mum feels that siblings fighting is natural, but she does regret leaving us on our own when we were small. But it was when we were older that it became a bigger problem for me. I’m interested in Lily’s story and like her character.

Went over to Emily’s. Sat out in the garden and smoked rollies with her. We got icecreams from the icecream van. I chose an oyster with a flake, and how I ate it amused Emily greatly.


We sang bits of the Baby Shark song and wondered about the signs. I brought a chicken korma ready meal with me and had it at the kitchen table. Emily wanted me to eat it when they were having their chip shop chips and sausages, but put it in the microwave early, telling Gary to hurry up. I ate before them. Gary pointed out that I could always share it with the dog if I wanted to eat with someone. Which reminds me, I have a new joke from the book –

‘A man goes to a travel agent to book his summer holiday. ‘Last year you sold me a holiday to Bermuda and my wife got pregnant,’ says the man. ‘The year before it was Monte Carlo and my wife got pregnant again. And the year before it was Hong Kong and my wife got pregnant there as well.’ ‘I see,’ says the clerk ‘and what do you have in mind this year?’ ‘Somewhere cheaper,’ says the man ‘so she can come with me for a change.’

Emily, one of the sons and I found that one funny. I like how it works, because it makes you assume there is a connection that doesn’t exist. I think you could use it as an illustration of that type of joke because it’s so clear.

In the garden Emily watched the planes with utter fascination. I think she has spent so long in her room that the outside world is new to her again.

Drew for half an hour when I got in and then chatted to Phillip. He has to be up early tomorrow to get his Dad from the airport.

Here are my photos from today –




And my drawing from this evening using the scented gel pens –


And some a squirrel in the park –





My alarm woke me at 10am giving me some time to wake up before my antipsychotic jab. It was nice to see the support worker again. She was kind to me when I was delusional. There was so much going on in my mind but it was clear she was on my side. I let her in when I hadn’t let the others in. She sat crosslegged on the floor, asking if I wanted anything from the shop. I thought and asked for some bread, a pastie and a carton of ice coffee. Seems a long time ago now.

I had toast and honey for breakfast. Went for a walk around the park, listening to Lily Alone and taking photos. It was lovely and sunny today and lots of people were out walking their dogs. Went to the shop and got a bottle of coke, a sparkling strawberry drink and a Lambrini. A little black poodle jumped up at me as I was leaving the park. His owner apologised and said the dog was friendly. When I was unwell dog owners kept reassuring me that their dogs were. I must have looked nervous walking round and they assumed it was because of their dogs. I didn’t mind them thinking that. Sometimes I found it funny.

When I got in I had a tuna sandwich. Alex joined me in the kitchen and we chatted whilst he ate his noodles and sweet chilli sauce. He said he buys a lot of his clothes in Lidl and they last. He told me a story about smuggling matches under an armband. I didn’t like it but didn’t let on.

He said smoking helps him with his Restlessness. I said it’s been proven to help. Smoking is associated with lower levels of antipsychotic induced akathisia (restlessness). He told me about his family and a bit about a past relationship, whilst we smoked out in the garden. When he had finished he tipped the contents of his ashtray into the rusty barbecue, and found a Malibu coconut cup in the there. I wondered what it’s story was. His ashtray said ‘Smoking is permitted’.


Had bacon pasta for dinner and some yoghurt and honey. Here’s my photos from today –







Woke up had some toast and honey and a cuppa tea. Checked my phone and went back to bed feeling cosy. Fell back to sleep for a while, when I woke I wanted to watch a film. Ash lent me Avatar, but after a quick search it dawned on me I gave it back to her before I watched it.

I decided to watch Tim Minchin’s Ready For This. Phillip gave it 5 minutes before putting his headphones back on. I really enjoyed it though I didn’t laugh. My brother has memorised and sings some of the songs. He prides himself in being able to sing the fast bits. ‘If I didn’t have you’ and ‘Canvas bags’ especially remind me of him. He once got his Kindle signed by Tim Minchin and there’s a photo of them grinning together. Realised I’ve been mispronouncing his name as Mitchin probably because Mitch sounds like a comedian because of David Mitchell.

I remember thinking I enjoy it more musically than I find it funny. I guess that’s still true, but I still find him very funny. I think I was thinking of Shelter From The Storm yesterday because the Storm story on the DVD was in the back of my mind. I was getting ready for it! Completely forgot that there’s a surprise dancing bear with my name.


Went for a walk and took some photos. Phillip didn’t want to walk and Alex wasn’t in. I always knock on his door but he always seems to be out. Did some more food shopping, which I probably didn’t need to do, but it made my day seem a bit more purposeful.


Listened to Lily Alone which is really good. It’s nice to listen an audiobook by an author I’m very familiar with. I thought the, oh. Okay I was just going to say I thought the reader had a real respect for Jacqueline Wilson’s style. Checked the box to name the reader and… it’s the lady herself! Well, you can see what I’m saying is true. She had great insight!

Phillip has been watching films today. He wanted to go out to Costa’s (strawberry frappe), KFC (Twister) and Tescos (icecream for the strawberrys I got). I went along too for the drive. Stayed in the car listening to Heart. The reception got better as we went over the hill. Ash might be back because her window is open. Had the strawberries with icecream, yoghurt and sugar. I have that for dessert at my parents and it was nice.

Phillips been telling me about glandular fever which he had in his early twenties and has just started watching another film. Think I’ll watch Desperate Housewives. Gabby has just knocked Victor overboard for the second and fatal time.

Here are my photos from my walk –









Woke up around midday. Phillip was working on the church profile. Had toast and marmite for breakfast and a cup of tea. We were a little late getting to Emily’s and Phillip got a strawberry frappe from Costa.

Emily had had her hair plaited for her in a french braid, and was wearing a new white jumper with silver butterflies sparkling on it. Not her usual look and it suited her. We sat out in the garden with her. She wanted to try the drink so I got a little mug and a spoon as they didn’t have straws. She really liked it and asked Phillip to bring her one next time we visit. Phillip chatted to Anne about dogs being pack animals, smoking and the time his Mum visited him in hospital and fell down the stairs.

When she went in I got my joke book out and Phillip read from it, selecting the insults category by flipping at random through the book. When Gary was introduced he introduced Emily as a c*** which is the sort of thing they always do. Phillip said ‘I know that.’ Gary seemed to like it that Phillip was reading insult jokes because he tried telling his own jokes a few times in passing. Next Phillip chose battle of the sexes jokes and blonde jokes. He found them really funny when he was reading them, and Emily really enjoyed it too. I had a beer and Emily had the pear cider I brought her. I got it wrong, she is allowed to drink there. They just didn’t like it when she bought a lot, so she gave them to me that time. On her painkillers she could have one beer and they made sure it was only one. We left when it got chilly. I had a nice time.

Went for a walk in the park and took some photos. Phillip wanted to cook gammon, egg and chips so we stopped off at the shop. Watched a bit of Big Bang Theory until the kitchen was free. I played Bob Dylan songs whilst Phillip cooked. My favourite is Shelter From The Storm.

The food was nice. Washed up listening to The Doors. Phillip is looking forward to new Big Bang Theory tonight.

Here are my photos from the walk –







Watched an Oasis gig last night. I enjoyed it. I think most musicians don’t like Oasis and I find that interesting. I’ve heard their music described as ‘beery ballards’ and I don’t think that’s fair. It was good to be reminded of songs I used to listen to.

Woke up at 10.30am. Phillip called just after my alarm and was already here. I chose my widest shoes for Emily’s swollen foot and we went over to hers. Phillip stayed in the car and we went into the health centre. I read joke’s from the Tony Robinson history joke book. Emily tried reading some of it out loud, breaking down the words. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sat on the deck. What do cats eat for breakfast? Museli or Mice Krispies. It kept us amused in the waiting room. I went in with her for her blood test because she said she was scared. She looked at me in an intense way as the needle went in. It reminded me a bit of her severe asthma attack expression because she stared. I thought she would look right away from it, not at me. I think it helped that I was there. The nurse thought I was her support worker, though perhaps she was joking. She had her jab shortly afterwards then we were back in the car. She invited me and Phillip over for a cuppa but Phillip was tired and wanted to get back.

After we dropped her off he said that he likes being around dogs that he knows are well trained, but not if they aren’t. He is worried about strange dogs biting him or jumping up. I assured him that Molly posed no threat, doesn’t jump up. Molly hobbles around. I don’t think she could jump up if she tried. I said that and then realised that’s not very reassuring, the point is she’s a gentle dog. This evening he agreed to go over there tomorrow so I think it was more that he was tired.

We both fell asleep when we got in. When we woke up we went for a walk around the park. Took photos and filmed squirrels. Phillip became a squirrel spotter and knew to approach them quietly. Here’s my video –

He told me that yew trees are the oldest in Britain, saying that it’s because they grow in church yards. I’m not so sure about the second bit. A tree that can grow really old, will sometimes grow really old anywhere. The few protected in churchyards ought not to determine the fact. I suspect it’s Christian Chinese whispers.

Drew for half an hour when I got in. I thought Phillip would detect my scented pens but he did not. Then we went to the new Lidel, and then Sainsbury’s to get all the ingredients for a Hairy Dieters jalfrezi. In Lidel Phillip accidentally smashed a cumin spice. Glass and spice scattered everywhere. He says he is stupid and useless a lot but didn’t say it on this occasion.

Phillip has made the curry with his Mum a few times, and they put portions in freezer bags. I liked it that his mum had put colour coded tabs throughout the book. I sat in the kitchen whilst he cooked, and then we watched a bit of Grand Designs. The curry was nice. I finished my beer and then I went up to write this.

I’m looking forward to seeing Emily tomorrow. Gary likes intimidating people a bit, and I hope he doesn’t make Phillip uncomfortable.

Here are my photos from today –




And my drawing from this evening –






Listened to Jacqueline Rolston’s Maelstrom as I got ready for my day. Went for a walk into town taking the short cut through the industrial estate that Phillip found. Walking through the park I found lots of mushrooms all in one place.

Listened to Lion Boy, then went to the library and returned it. I didn’t finish the story, just felt like listening to something new. I found a Jacqueline Wilson Playaway called Lily Alone and Tony Robinson’s history Joke Book. Went to Wilko and got a grey velvet notebook. Then went to Asda to get milk and got some scented gel pens too. Didn’t stop for coffee and I walked back.

At home I had a burger and a cup of tea and did some drawing listening to Radio 6. The pens smell good.

I have to be up at 10.30am tomorrow. Phillip has kindly agreed to take Emily to the health centre for a blood test and her jab. She had been worried about how she would get there with no money and a sprained ankle and is really grateful that Phillip is helping her.

Here’s my photos from the walk –





And my drawings from this evening –