Watched Desperate Housewives last night. Victor gets washed up on the beach, alive. Pretends not to remember but remembers all. I had a feeling I was wrong about him dying. Really enjoying the series the third time round.

Watched Phillip’s favourite gig Queen at Live Aid, which was transcendentally amazing and interwoven with Phillip’s commentary of Queen Facts. I’m interested in them, but I have a feeling that if I wasn’t I would still be receiving the same information. Like the motor racing facts today for instance. He was interested in the crowd and said ‘That’s power. In a good way.’

When we woke up I looked for a film that we hadn’t watched together yet, and that was funny because he prefers funny films. I chose Risky Business. I really enjoyed it and so did Phillip. It’s so nice to be able to watch films easily without feeling Restlessness.

Then as we are both Red Dwarf fans, we watched some together for the first time, which was nice. Phillip is grossed out by Lister’s antics. I just remember having a schoolgirl crush on him and idealising him no matter what he did. I think Phillips response is more what the writer was going for. I used to imagine having curry for breakfast with him and having a wonderful time. I later learned that Craig Charles (Lister) is a poet and I felt ‘Ah, that explains it.’ Though I never normally think in such a simplistic way. I’ve never read his poems for some reason. Lister is a poet in disguise, though maybe being a poet is always a disguise in one way or another.

After laying in bed all day Phillip wanted a chip butty. So I used the oven today for the first time in a long time. Made a salad too and we watched some motor racing whilst we ate. I was thinking it was bad that he didn’t check that that was okay, and as the thought occurred to me he said ‘You don’t mind that we are watching this, do you?’. So I said it was okay. The boredom of it let my mind wander and I didn’t mind at all really. Just wanted him to acknowledge that it wasn’t my thing and he did. Watched a little more Red Dwarf and then it was time for him to go home.

I didn’t take any photos today so here is a photo of my curtains –


When I was delusional I thought they had been designed especially for me. In the curtains I saw many things including the book cover of The Beach by Alex Garland.


I saw many things including the slats of a bunk bed I had as a child, chips, and film tape. I had the idea that it meant ‘cutting the film’ somewhere in the novel so that the novel’s tragic ending wouldn’t be reached. I felt it represented war. In details I saw a lion and a snake. When I started hallucinating I saw many things as if projected onto the curtains and the waves I saw appeared to be moving.

I felt that even if the world was really heading toward an awful future, a small island might be preserved where people could live a better life and be creative. I felt that good people in power had diminishing hope, but didn’t want me to be the same way. They wanted me to imagine a society on an island, and my belief in that place would be linked to Alex Garland’s novel. It was a distant and dreamlike delusion.

A few times I have thought it would be nice to have different curtains now. It’s not important to me though.



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